I am called, as many are at this time, to let go of control and of the way things were. This is for me, as it is for most, far from easy….
Control is a sign that we don’t trust ourselves and Mother & Father God, and that we feel that our inner and outer world needs to be a certain way so that we can feel safe and good about ourselves. This is an incredible limit on our freedom, and yet we cling it as if for dear life. The focus of our body/mind is primarily safety and comfort. And they do not easily allow anything new to come in. They are afraid of change.
We have cultivated these old habits and patterns for decades, and we have learned to control and manipulate our perceptions so much that we ended up living in a bubble or box or our own making. Many of our particular defenses are still left-overs from what was projected onto us as children and from being in survival mode. But now, these ways of thinking and being are painfully limiting our authenticity and they have to go so that we can explore and live and thrive, and fulfill our soul purpose.
So how do we let go of control and old habits? We have to start with love and compassion for ourselves, and with honesty. We cannot change something that we are not aware of…. Once we become aware of something we do not like within ourselves, we have the power to change it. Acceptance of ourselves and the past self that we are trying to change, is crucial. Judgment and being harsh with ourselves just creates more pain and contributes nothing helpful. We cannot get rid of a part of ourselves, no matter how hard we try. But we always have the power to let go of old patterns, dysfunctions and defenses that no longer serve us. We can change and we must, but we may have to give ourselves permission to do so. We can to talk to the different parts – body, mind, heart, inner child, wounded ego – that are particularly holding onto the past, and explain what we are attempting to do. And we can let them know how important it is for the whole self to let go of self-destructive habits and how they will benefit from our expanded freedom. We will see much better results if we work with all of our parts rather than against them.
That being said, it is of great importance that we find our will and assert it when the old patterns come up. For me, when I become aware that I am thinking and acting in an old, un-useful or hurtful way, I stop and say, “no, I am no longer doing this…”. And I assert the new way. This may be just the tiniest change, but it gets easier over time and with practice.
Remember that changing and letting go of the old is a process, not an event. This process is not easy but we can do it! With compassion, acceptance and loving kindness toward ourselves we can cultivate more and more awareness in situations and stop ourselves from acting and reacting in old ways.
Some of us need to walk away from people, places and things that are reinforcing who we were, and create an environment in which we find support for who we want to be, and that we can succeed in. It all takes courage…. But nothing is more worth our efforts than becoming our authentic selves.
Neha