Most of us get emotionally triggered from time to time. Someone says or does something that triggers strong feelings in us which are out of proportion to what actually happened in the situation. Oftentimes feelings from childhood, or long forgotten hardships or traumas are being triggered and cellularly brought to the surface. We may feel panic or cotton-brain or like an abyss just swallowed us whole. And if we don’t pay very close attention and catch ourselves, we will react to the current situation such that we blame the person who triggered us for what happened to us long ago. Suddenly those old wounds feel linked to the current incident and it is very hard in this state to differentiate.
First we must recognize that we have been triggered. We have entered an altered state and are not our usual self. We have special needs in this situation. Compassion and kindness toward ourselves go a long way….
When I get triggered, I usually remove myself from the situation immediately so I can catch up with myself and get to the root before I escalate the situation. It’s a good idea to tell the other person involved, especially if this is your spouse, partner or close friend that you are triggered and that you need to take some time to work this out within yourself. They may have not done anything hurtful or wrong, even though in the pit of your stomach it feels like they just killed your puppy…. Not to blame and act out is key to handling the situation with emotional sobriety. We are not responsible for other people’s feelings, nor are they for ours. Once you have done the emotional healing of the cause of the trigger, you can address the other person if there is anything that you need to speak up about.
To get to the root of the triggered emotions, sit quietly for a moment and allow whatever feelings you have to come to the forefront. They have already forced their way into your consciousness, so you might as well invite them in so that you can recognize and release them. You may need to cry as you allow the emotions to be. At first it may all be directed toward the person who triggered you. But dig deeper and let go of the story. Feel and allow. Breathe deeply. A glimpse of memory from long ago may present itself along with feelings that had been suppressed. Your inner child may need to be heard and allowed to feel some stuff. Allow yourself to exist within the emotions and to process in your own way and your own time.
Getting triggered is simply a sign that there is more emotional healing work to do. And in the interest of furthering our healing, these triggers are opportunities to reach deeper and to uncover what we had pushed into unawareness or subconsciousness. In the process we get to know ourselves better and develop tools to use the next time we get triggered. We can learn to be aware, develop choices and allow ourselves to grow each time we get triggered. And over time these triggers will weaken and occur less and less if we are willing to do the necessary healing work.
Neha