It is essential on our awakening journey that we find our will again. Our will is our conscious resolve, our driving force and integrity. It is part of the internal strength of our Spirit and the wholeness of Self. Our will can be broken through our worldly experiences, but it can never be lost. For most of us, our will was broken in childhood during traumatic events, repeated acts of shaming, and attempts by the adults and institutions in our lives to mold us into who they wanted us to be. We lost our authenticity and natural expression of who we are, as well the conscious connection with our own Spirit and God, and the invisible elemental and spirit world around us. The ability to be in touch with our intuition and express what we want and don’t want was replaced by an outward orientation, people pleasing and approval seeking as we gave into the pressure of verbal, emotional and physical abuse, and the projections of others. Many of us made ourselves small and invisible to minimize further abuse and pain.
Typical symptoms of not being in touch with our will are depression, hopelessness, despair, deep sadness and a feeling of loss, feeling weak and inferior, indecisiveness, giving away our power, being a doormat for others, attracting narcissists, not being able to leave a bad relationship, living in a fantasy world, backing down easily, diminished self-respect, codependency, being overly responsible for others and enabling, feeling that we are not whole, needing outside validation, feeling undeserving, and overcompensating with assertiveness and a show of ego traits to hide our uncertainty about ourselves, just to mention a few…
By dissociating our emotions, we also dissociate from our will – as the two are integrally connected. The belief that our emotions are either unimportant or not real arises out of self-denial, and blocks us from accessing our will and doing the necessary emotional healing work. We cannot evolve, and further our awakening while our emotions and will are still dissociated, and we are in survival mode – running and hiding from ourselves. We cannot reconnect with our will while bypassing our emotional damage and issues. We must find the courage within ourselves to face our traumas and do the emotional healing work that we have been putting off. We must reconnect with our buried inner child, and allow them to be a part of our lives again. They are there whether we are aware of them or not.
In healing our inner child, and giving them the love and nurturing that we truly needed as a child, we are reintegrating a part that had been dissociated from our wholeness. We are excavating our authenticity and original self as we allow the process of deep, soul cleansing emotional healing. With patience, compassion and self-love, we peal away layer by layer of untruth and projected beliefs about ourselves. As we do this, we are able to feel the strength of our will a little more every time we allow more healing to take place. We are slowly learning to set healthy boundaries within and without, and rediscover our likes, dislikes, and the needs of our Spirit. We are learning to speak up and stand up for ourselves, and find that we do not need to fear authority figures and duck every time we encounter bullies. We leave behind the belief in unworthiness, making ourselves small, and making decisions that hurt us and ignore our needs. We find our courage and gumption, and fully express who we are, regardless of what anyone else say or thinks.
As we have a new-found awareness, throw out the old projected patterns and self-defeating beliefs that no longer serve us, and learn new healthy responses, we are reconnecting with our authenticity and our will. The awareness of our intuition and spiritual gifts is growing, and we catch glimpses of our true freedom and our place in the Universe. In finding our will, we find our drive to live our life to its fullest, one day at a time, regardless of struggles and challenges. As we are able to reconnect with the strength and wisdom of our Spirit, we are no longer victims of our conditioning, upbringing, or the cruelty of the world. We are able to remember and do what we came here to do in this lifetime – for ourselves, the Earth and humanity.