When we have experienced intense trauma in our lives, we can be left feeling broken and devastated to the core of our being. We may feel that the light has gone out inside of us, and that we have nothing left to fight with, nothing left to live for. We may believe that we cannot ever face our painful memories and heal. Many of us who have survived incredible atrocities have become accustomed to living in the shadows of who we once were, caught in a victim and survival mode, unable to move forward. Some have at that point taken their lives, but there is always hope. There is always forward movement possible. (If you are suicidal, please, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255.)
Many of us have carried horrific childhood or past life experiences within the cellular structure of our body for as long as we can remember, while for others the trauma happened recently. Intense pain that happened long ago, can feel like it occurred yesterday because our emotional body does not know time. We are ready to begin our healing journey when the pain of being stuck in this dark place is greater than our fear of opening up and making changes. At that point, we must – one day at a time with utmost gentleness and compassion – face ourselves and our previously dissociated emotions and reprogram our negative beliefs that keep us stuck.
It is not impossible to heal and grow from our experiences and traumas and come out stronger than we ever were before. It is not impossible to trust and believe in ourselves again. It is not impossible to face what we have been through and allow the memories to surface so that we can heal them. Feelings cannot kill us. Memories cannot harm us. But non-acceptance of ourselves and what we have been through, not being compassionate with ourselves, not forgiving ourselves… is indeed severely damaging.
It will take courage to face ourselves, to slow down, to stop running and hiding from ourselves, but we can do it. And when the time is right, we must do it. Because in our survival mode, we have been dissociating from how we really feel and what is going on inside of us, we must begin the process of being honest, allowing authenticity to return to our lives. If we want to stop hurting, we must stop hurting ourselves with the self-destructive patterns that we developed. We must do the work. We may have people in our lives who can help us, hold space and be there for us, but we are the only ones who can make the actual changes. Total honesty, total willingness and acceptance are key to making the changes we so desire. The journey is inward and that is where we will find our strength and our will.
One of the things we may have to let go of is our desire for revenge, even if we were not consciously aware that we are harboring hate and a need for retribution. Life is not fair, and we must accept this. Our Spirit came here at this time to learn, heal, and grow, and experience certain things. Often, we repeat similar experiences throughout many lifetimes until we are able to heal them, learn our lessons, and move on. If we stop fighting what has happened, even if do not understand it, we can start healing. With compassion, gentleness and love, we can start nurturing ourselves and our wounded inner child.
We may find that we are ashamed of who we have become and blame ourselves for the abuse/attack/disaster/loss that changed us and made us weak. We must forgive ourselves. The past is over, and we do not live there anymore. We must give ourselves permission to move on and continue living our lives in the present. Part of the healing process is to change our perspective and to start trusting ourselves and God again. The Divine Mother and Father are by our side and have never abandoned us. We are loved unconditionally regardless of what happened to us, and regardless of the mistakes we have made. There is so much good waiting to be received by us.
Nothing is more freeing than to have a long, deep soul cleansing cry and to finally have an outlet for our pent up emotions. We may be cellulary exhausted after opening the flood gates within, but there is also a crisp newness pouring into the space within us that is no longer locked from the divine nurturing healing light. Healing is a process, not an event. Over and over, we can come to this space within where we sit with our emotions with patience and compassion, and see what wants to move in the moment, where our awareness and emotions take us. As we work our way through our beliefs, feelings and memories, we are doing the sacred work of excavating our true Self and recovering our wholeness. We are getting to know ourselves at a deep level, which is the beginning of self-mastery.
Finding our will and self-respect are crucial in overcoming anything. This is the material that movies are made of – against incredible adversity we find our strength and our will and take that energy, the rawness and depth of pain, and turn it around and use it to our advantage. We have been there – we have stared into the depth of the abyss and fought for our lives. Now is the time to overcome our fears, and move forward, break those chains, and rise. We can turn our scars into apocalyptic chic and wear them proudly. We have survived! We can stop beating ourselves up for what we have been through and hold our heads high. We are indeed worthy.
Humanity is so fragile, so infantile, and yet so indescribably beautiful when we allow ourselves to open our hearts and expand beyond our previous horizons. “I was wrong” is one of the most powerful words to speak, and so is, “I forgive myself”, “I love myself”. Now there is space, and you can expand. Breathe and honor yourself. Trust yourself, you are stronger than you think. It finally matters not what happened to you, but only what you did with what life dealt you. Opening up your caverns of agony to the divine, nurturing light within you and healing from feeling hopeless and broken inside may be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life, but it will also be the most rewarding.
Neha